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30th January 2008

12:45am: I asked my best friend to marry me.
I know we'll never actually GET married, but I went and asked him.

18th November 2007

12:50am: applebees!!!!
I've been dating the boy since the beginning of school, I'm guessing about two and a half months so far.
There is still that language barrier that we have problems with, but its getting better.
He can be real dick heady sometimes- an example was last night.
He wouldnt let me finish my diet pepsi at dinner (applebees) and even took it away from me, joking of course.
It was just stupid and immature and childish and I wanted to smack him, but the table was too wide.
All I know is that he gets really obnoxious when he's horny.
Yeah we ended up sleeping together a few weeks ago- the sex was allright- he was a virgin, so it didnt last long, but I am happy to report he does have stamina. I know... too much information.
He was just being totally obnoxious and kept pushing it and I was like 'look. I have STREP THROAT. I already dont feel good and this is the fourth consecutive day that I have seen you.  Im tired, I'm sick, and I am SO not going to have sex with you right now. Sorry, but deal with it'
He does listen to me (well did after awhile).  I dont feel threatened or anything by him, I'm not going to let that happen again.
He's just new to all of this relationship thing, plus there is the culture difference.
One thing that made me think.....
I live with a gay man and a straight woman. He's met the girl, but has yet to meet the guy.  I was telling my bf about him the other night.
"You live with a GUY??" (I've heard that line SO many freaking times!!!)
"Yeah, honey, I do.  He's a friend from school.  And he's gay."
"Gay?" (kind of laughs)
"Yeah.... as in homosexual."

So not ready to tell him about me liking girls just yet.
I'm not really sure how to read him on that subject- it was the very first time it ever came up, and I'd like to try it again to see how he reacts....
Think I'm going to wait on that one..... what do you think?
Current Mood: high

23rd September 2007

9:50pm: okay so I havent posted in sixteen weeks.
Bad me.

I'm just curious as to know WHY I hold sway over guys.
Not that I'm talking down about myself, but how could I have not one but two guys that are vie-ing for my attention?

There is my best friend who has had a crush on me for years.  I joke with him that I have him so pussy whipped that I could get him to do just about anything and he'd do it.  Which is true.  Dont think that I don't enjoy that power.

Then there is the boy that I've kind of been seeing for the last three/four weeks or so.
He was starting to move a little fast than I would have liked and I told him that if he didnt stop it, I was going to get pissed.
He drove out here (which is a 20 minute drive) just to make sure that everything was cool between us.

Now, he may be just after a piece of ass (which he is not getting!) but I dunno,  I think he would have given up on me if thats all he was after.
I mean eventually, if things work out, yeah I will probably do that, I'm just not ready right now.
Current Mood: crazy

29th May 2007

8:00pm: long time no see
another month, another layout.

not much is going on.
working in a coffee shop during the mornings, and I make pizza in the afternoons, and on the weekend its physical labor. 
but at least I am getting tanned (and there are shadows of muscles in my arms!!!!!)

saw a play adaptation of 'closer'
the stripper scene...... very nice.....
got to see juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust about everything.

its kind of sad in a way, but I have seen more nudity in plays (I saw angels in america awhile ago) in the last six months than I have in years.  Aside from my one night stands a year and a half ago, its been YEARS.

not that I am actively looking for someone, it'll happen when it is supposed to happen.
Current Mood: hot

14th March 2007

6:41pm: once again, I havent been here in awhile
but this time is seriously not my fault
aparently the internet died at the house
and surprise suprise, no one called about it 
Im leaving it up to my roommates to call
I could really care two shits about it

well I mean let me explain
I LOVE the internet, and I enjoy talking to everyone on here
I've just been feeling really hermit like recently
its not healthy at all, but I just want to feed my insecurities 
and continue being asocial 

I dunno, there's been alot going on lately and I guess I dont know how to affect modulate or something
Ive been on dates with this one guy in particular, I've been telling you about him in the last
this weekend will be date number five.
I am happy when I am hanging out with him.
I just wish I was happy other times as well.
hes dorky and awkward and totally into the same things I am
I just wish that I could make that happy transfer, you know what I mean?
I should really shut up now because Im making mysel fupset 
and Im sitting here in the computer lab on campus and I dont want to make a scene

will write soon- depends on when/if they bother to call
Current Mood: blank

23rd February 2007

3:30am: Ozzfest, 1964 and green.
So Im sitting here, stoned, reading over Ozzfest stuff.
I just joined the boards and they are fucking insane over there!!!
Hopefully I'll get at least one of those free tickets.
Im just PISSED AS ALL HELL that they arent coming to Pine Knob.
Okay, they MIGHT come, as the list is not complete.
But they are already confirming Chicago, Indianapolis, Columbus and Pittsburgh.
They just fucking HAVE to come to Pine Knob.

On a side note, I am going to a beatles cover band concert at the end of March.
They are coming to Saginaw- 1964.  Hopefully I wont be TOO disapointed ;-).
I have seen both Ringo Starr and Pete Best in concert. Nothing beats the real thing!

I also hope to see Linkin Park at least once, maybe twice this summer.
I saw them four times in 2004.  Great live show.  But the best live show EVER
is Korn. I saw them in Chicago and Pine Knob.
Current Mood: cynical

14th February 2007

12:01am: I also forgot to add
that I got a tenth piercing back in December.
I got my right nipple done.
It was my most painful one to date, but I kind of like it.
No pictures.  Only one person has ever actually seen it
a girl at the retreat.  we were playing truth or dare and it was a 'show me yours and I'll show you mine' kind of thing.
Nothing else happened, but she is a really sweet, complicated girl.

but yes, I am up to double digits in the metal through parts of my body.

13th February 2007

1:38pm: Retreat
I went to a retreat this past weekend.
I thought it was going to be boring, stupid, a lot of hand holding and bitching.
I have to say that my life has been changed 180 degrees from where it was. 
I am in a state of mind now where it scares the hell out of me
but it is where I need to be and where I want to be.  
I'm going to post more about it later.

that and I forgot my glasses at my house, so its like GRAH
Current Mood: peaceful

7th February 2007

7:29pm: Boys disgust me.

You'll never guess what happened
That guy I was telling you about that was 30?
Totally stopped talking to me- the last time was when I called HIM on the 21st of Janruary.
I am pretty sure it is because I live with a (gay) guy. 
It is the only thing that I can think of that would cause him to be so freaking dumb.
I mean its not like I would EVER have a chance with my gay roommate, he had nothing to worry about.

But whatever, I got upset for a little while, but realized that I, for once, had done nothing wrong.
he claims that I never told him about my roommate being a guy, but I know god damned well that I did.
We've been talking since I moved in, you think that it would have come up at least once.

Now, Im not sure whats going on, but its not a bad thing.  I've been out with Tom, the guy that took me out for my birthday a few times.
We've made plans for Sunday.  We'll see what is to happen.
Too bad there arent any out, available college aged lesbians around here.

Current Mood: annoyed

14th January 2007

3:08am: How bad is it that when I went to go log on here, I couldnt remember my username
must be my old age

so hello all.......... like two of you that read this
havent been on in awhile
stupid boy drama
Im not even sure where I left off.

But currently, I have ended my insane crush on my one friend.
**different from the guy I went on a date with.  The guy I went on a date with is nice and all and fun to talk to, but I am not 100% sure if he is dating material**

We actually went out for drinks.
Afterwards, all he wanted to do was whine about this one girl that wronged him or something.
Then all he wanted me to do was give him head.
I was like...WHAT?!?!?!
so over him.

I've been writing back and forth with this one guy since November.  Snail mail- not email, so you know it takes at least SOME effort to write the letters.  My friends boyfriend was talking to a friend of his going 'you gotta meet this one girl' yada yada, we exchanged addresses and so it goes.  I finally gave him my number about a week ago (we decided to take things slow, get to know each other, not rush straight into talking on the phone, meeting etc-- how odd for this generation!!) and this afternoon he called me!!!
Let me tell you ladies- he sounds absolutely hot as hell. I know that is not the end all be all of 'is he worthy' but damn....
I dont know what is going to happen with him, but I will keep you updated.
Oh some 'stats' as they call them.
He is 30 years old- but I myself am 26, so I dont see that as much of an age gap at all
He lives about 20 minutes away, which is better than 10 hours.
Current Mood: tired

19th December 2006

1:04pm: Its my birthday
and also Elizabeths 19th as well.  (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I am turning the big 2-6.

I had a DATE last night :-)
Okay, so we just went to subway and talked for like an hour and a half
but he paid, so it was a date.
I really do hope to see him again.
It was really nice.

As for my birthday proper, I am going to the movies, then out to lunch, then I am going home to my parents house.
Because parents rock.
I am actually staying sober this year (well, I DID enjoy some birthday weed) which is fine.
I'd rather be at home with my parents sober, than sitting in my room drinking or going out to the bar and being social.

but anyway, off to finish packing

5th December 2006

12:13am: issues of the heart
God that title sounds emo
if I ever sound that emo again, please shoot me.
my best friend is emo and half the time I want to shoot him.
but this issue is one of the heart and I need to write about it.
Dont feel that you have to respond to it, but comments are welcome.

I've never been one to have the boys (or girls) like her.  I wasnt pretty, popular or really that smart. (I know that sounds self defeating, but just go with it).
I never had people intersted in dating me, and the people that I liked never liked me back.
This has all recently changed (at least I think)

My friends (we'll call them Angel and Corey) have been trying to hook me up with Coreys friend Tyler. 
Tyler is 30 years old, blond hair, some tattoos, he's got two kids, lives about 20 minutes away.
We have only corressponded through snail mail three times.  Its my turn to write him back.
He is glad I am single, we both agreed that we didnt want to rush into anything, and we have alot of similar things going on right now in our lives. 
Do I like him?
I guess I do- we're not dating or anything, but if things progress the way they have, we prolly will.
He seems like a really nice guy, made some mistakes in the past, but I believe in giving people a second chance.
We've been writing back and forth for about a month or so now, maybe six weeks.

Enter Paul.  He just turned 22 or 23 (im generally bad at ages)
I've known Paul for a year and a half or so- I met him at school somewhere.
I didnt start liking Paul until this summer.  It was like a light coming on in my head.
I was sitting there listening to him talk and I was like 'wow.... I like this guy'.
Friday night myself, my one roommate and Paul went out to the bar.
My roommate knows that I like him (and apparently both my roommate and Paul both knew before I told anyone)
Paul came on to me very strongly, but playfully (it wasnt the alcohol- he only had one beer)
I was really receptive to it, flirting back and whatnot.
He asked me if we could start off being fuck buddies, then progress when we were both ready to a full relationship
(he had gotten out a very long, very tumultous relationship not too long ago)
I was actually agreeing to this because it just felt differently- I know it dosent sound different than a booty call, but it did.
It was just at that exact moment, at that exact time I didnt want to fuck or do anything sexual.
It wasnt him that I wasnt into (because I totally WAS), I just didnt want the first time we did anything sexual, even though it was going to be stricktly a fuck buddy relationship for the time being), to be rushed or anything
He was understandably upset (this was the first time he had put himself out there in almost 3 years and I say 'not tonight'-- I am such a bitch!!) and while I did walk him out to his car, I havent spoken to him since.
I just hope that he isnt uspet or mad at me because that was not my intention at all.
I DO want him- in a physical way and a relationship way- If one comes before, then it does. 
I just hope that I didnt fuck things up Friday night.  I also know that I am not going to have sex with whoever it is before I am ready.  I just hope that I didnt lose him as anything.
My roommate is pretty good friends with him and said that he'd talk to him tonight, so right now, I am waiting for him (my roommate) to come home so he can tell me what Paul said.

As of now, I dont know what to do.  Whom do I choose?  Whom do I disappoint.  Im supposed to write back to Tyler (actually I DID write a letter to him but I lost it) and what do I tell him?? "We're going to have to hold off on this 'getting to know you' thing because I might have a  fuckbuddy with option to upgrade but Im not sure because I broke his heart friday at the bar?"
I mean I know I should be able to figure this shit out- Im going to school to figure this shit, but I really just dont have a clue as to what to do.

I just want to go GRAH!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! and hide under my bed.
Current Mood: confused

18th November 2006

4:07pm: Good lord I havent posted in here in FOREVER and for that I apoligise
It's just been crazy busy over here
On October 27th, I FINALLY moved into my friends house and I am LOVING it here. 
I tend to have the house to myself on the weekends, but after living on my own, its no big deal.
I turned in my keys and everything so I never have to deal with them again as long as I live.

End of the semester is coming up- I cant believe this has all gone by so fast!
I have three major papers due, a couple of presentations, exams and my carpal tunnel is acting up.
Oh I think I've mentioned this before but my boyfriend dumped me back in September- god I hate him.  Well maybe not hate him, just I feel sorry for him because he missed out on being with me.  Take THAT you bastard.
No one is currently in my eye for dating status- well there is this one guy I kind of like but I know that nothing will come out of it because we are simply way too busy for each other.  We were supposed to hang out about a month and a half ago and it didnt work out and I havent spoken to him in awhile.  Oh well.
And my one co-worker is trying to hook me up with her boyfriends friend... we'll see how that progresses.
As for girls... nothing really.  There arent very many out, single lesbian/bi girls around here.  Im the only non straight girl in the GSA of my school.
But I am not going to kill myself looking for anyone male or female= they can come to me.

Sorry for not being on aim/msn lately for those of you that are on my list.  I lost the user name and password I was using in the move,. but I'll make another msn.  my aim is rainbowmist22.

Well the U of M/OSU game is starting and I HAVE to support my Michiganders!
See ya later
Current Mood: excited

15th October 2006

11:32pm: Things to Do
  1. Study for exam (on tuesday)
  2. Put sign up sheets up (tomorrow)
  3. Talk to Landlady (tomorrow)
  4. Call Cable company (tomorrow)
  5. Call Electricty company (tomorrow)
  6. Call movers (and give them the right address- tomorrow)
  7. Go to Bank (tomorrow)
  8. Paper Due (tuesday)
  9. Redo of another paper due (wednesday)
  10. Study for another exam (next tuesday)
  11. Finish packing (by next friday)
  12. Clean apartment (november 8)
  13. Change address at school
  14. Print up articles for class
Current Mood: busy

8th October 2006

3:47am: I havent been around (again).
But I have good news.
At least I think it is good news.
As of November 1, I will no longer be living here.
I am moving about six miles away from here.
So I will be busy packing/cleaning/getting all the people called.
Current Mood: excited

30th September 2006

10:02pm: haven't been around here in a while.
I work crazy hours, plus school has got me pretty busy.
Had a pretty lazy day, and now I am working on a paper for a class.
Working on it while I am drinking.
But today is my friday, so I have all weekend.
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights with the ever yummy Diego Luna is on.
Good lord the things I would LOVE to do to that boy.

To show my bisexual side, there was a really cute lesbian at the GSA meeting two weeks ago.
I see myself looking at girls more often, not long enough to be freaky, but yeah, its nice.
Current Mood: drunk

19th September 2006

1:24am: another late night, but what is new?
I start working at quiznos tomorrow and I hope it goes alright.
they are throwing me down on the lunch shift, yay. but it is only two hours.
then I have mad homework to do that is due by noon tomorrow.
Im supposed to spend quailty time with the boyfriend but I really dont want to.
we've been talking about breaking up and I think its for the best.
Im not really upset about it, really Im not
I dont know why either, I just have a lack of sadness about it.
yeah we'll still talk and stuff, but and Im sorry to say this,
but it was getting too much of a hassle to hang out with him
and give him the attention he wanted.
it wasnt much, what he was asking, but between all the crap I've got going on:
three upper level classes that are heavy on the coursework,
working almost 26 hours a week in the food service industry where I close four nights out of the week
my family- when they need me, I go to them. case closed.
somewhere Im apparently supposed to fit boyfriend time in it.
last in, first out, thats just the way its gotta go. 
I dont need to feel like Im doing something bad, so Im just gonna say good bye.
besides, at GSA this evening there was a really cute lesbian there. 
im NOT looking for anything right now, I simply havent the time
but she WAS really cute.
plus there is this guy at work I flirt with- nothing dirty, just harmless flirting.
I dunno.
I dont have TIME to be indeciesive!
Current Mood: tired

6th September 2006

2:15am: I guess bi_girls has had some drama
See what happens when Im gone?  I miss all the drama!
Cant say as Im sad about missing it.
Its just a lame excuse for some stupid 12 year olds to get thier rocks off.
Oh well.  They will get bored and find some other group to desecrate.
Current Mood: grumpy

30th August 2006

2:23am: Update
Work is tiring.
Granted I work in an ice cream shop *whoo friggedy hooo* but it is late hours.
Well actually I would have been home at like 1245am, but my stupid friends came over and camped out at work until I got off.
Luckilly I don't have to be in until 1pm tomorrow, but I have seven hours or something.  Plus a three hour class.
With a teacher that I dont particularly care for.
But its Abnormal Psychology which I LOVE.

No girly prospects on the horizon, but there are some cute ones around campus.
I prolly wouldn't have time for more than a casual thing because I am going to be so fucking busy this semester.
Oh well, whats wrong with a little casual sex?
Current Mood: hungry

18th August 2006

1:51am: I know that everyone has a story that they can 'so ultimately relate' to this song.  And here is mine.  I'm dating this guy for almost six months.  Its a passionless relationship, but its a comfortable one. I dont have to worry about him cheating or running around on me.  He thinks that I am the best that he can do.  If he only knew, that I am the worst person for him.  I havent cheated on him in person, but he deserves someone so much better than me.  Heres the background on it.
My bestfriend and I have been super tight since the night we met back in 2003.  We just hit it off like no other.  Last summer, he admitted that he's had a crush on me since we met.  We dated on and off from July until roughly that next march.  He lives ten hours away.  About a month ago.  Actually, to the day almost, he calls me up and tells me that he wants me back as a girlfriend and not just a best friend. 
Against my better judgement, I say okay.  We act like boyfriend and girlfriend on the phone and on IM.  I know its offically 'cheating', but I cannot help myself.  He is everything that my boyfriend isnt.  HE is funny, passionate, kooky, firey.  I cant really explain it.  If my best friend lived any closer to me, I would be fighting so hard not to cheat.  I know, I know you people prolly think that I am already cheating.  My philosophy is that flirting is fine, nothing physical.  Thats what its been.
I heard this song by Hinder and I was shocked to see how similar it was with me.  Many times have I been talking to my best friend and my boyfriend show up or call, or I be hanging out or talking to my boyfriend and my best friend call. 
I really dont know what to do.  I cant be with eithe rone of them, but my best friend has this certain 'thing' that I cant get out of my mind and my boyfriend... I dunno....

"Lips Of An Angel"

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late
Current Mood: confused

15th August 2006


I am redecorating my apartment.  I figured that I'll be here awhile longer.  Im supposed to move in with my boyfriend and our mutual friend in May, but I dont know if I am ready to live with them.  Im sure that I'd get along with them, but I want to be able to concentrate on myself and getting out of school.  Anyway on to the redecortating.

I live in a studio apartment.  It's small, but I like it- not too much to clean!  I love light strings as opposed to lamps, so what I was thinking was that I would string up lights in orange, blue, purple, and maybe green if I could find them.  I'd love to get a couple of lava lamps.  I used to have one, but my friend melted my weed on the light bulb one day by accident.  A couple of lava lamps, maybe one of those cool fiber optic sculpture thingys.  My favorite holiday by FAR is halloween, so I am going to stock up on lights and stuff.  I just go nuts at halloween- not the candy part, but everything else- ghosts, spooks, orange, black, the whole nine yards.  Christmas, I cant stand, but halloween.  Yes, halloween is my christmas.  I usually stay decorated all year round.  I still have some lights up, a few bats hanging around, a big pipe cleaner spider. 

I am eccentric, but its just part of my charm. 

Current Mood: creative

9th August 2006

4:57pm: havent really been here in quite sometime- a few months is it?
Oh well.  I've been posting alot in my other journal.

Im coming to the conclusion that relationships- at least male relationships arent for me.  
I know in the world, everyone has thier soulmate, but I am through wishing on stars for mine to come to me.
So I am going to carve a little niche in my world for me and me alone.  
Im still with my boyfriend of - oh shit our anneversary was two days ago.  We've been together five months. 
I love him, but Im not IN love with him.  I dont feel that special spark.  Im not sexually or sensously attracted to him.
Im not dragging it out to be a bitch, I guess I am hoping that things change, that I do fall in love with him, or that he breaks up with me first.  Im not sure.  I am kind of hoping that he does break it off with me because I dont want to be the bad guy.  He's a really sweet guy, dont get me wrong- he really is.  he desrves someone that can give him so much more than I can.
Current Mood: drunk

21st May 2006

1:12am: A little bit about myself
I realized that I might want to introduce, and share a little bit about myself.  I like lists.  There is so much more to me than what follows, so please feel free to IM me on AIM at rainbowmist22  
the aim is a little childish sounding, I realize, but I sat here for almost an hour trying to get a 'cool' sounding screen name and I was getting annoyed. I put this in as a joke and the dumb thing actually took it.

I am twenty five years old.
I am bisexual, and first came out in October 2005.
I've been dating a guy since the beginning of April, but I still like looking at the ladies.
The Beatles are by and far my favorite band of all time.
Diet Dr Pepper owns me.
I like the rain, especially storms.  Growing up I hated them.
I have a degree and I am currently working on my second one.
Im here to make friends and meet new people.
While I do write erotic fiction, I dont cyber anymore.  I do however, write stories for my friends.
My favorite color is blue, sometimes green.
I smoke weed about once a week or so.
I sleep smack dab in the middle of my bed.
I am five feet six inches tall.
Had I been registered to vote last election, I would have voted for Nader.
I protested against the war.
The West Memphis Three is one of my biggest causes.
I have good days and bad days- happy/depressed, but not enough to be medicated.
I like creative writing- not only regular stories, but star trek/sea quest fan fiction as well.

my pet peeves:
kids who try to act older than they really are.
know it all assholes.
people who think just because someone is blind, they are also deaf.
girls who claim they are bisexual because they think angelina jolie is hot.
people in general who think being gay/lesbian is strictly about sex.
those who dont listen/cant comprehend. 
12 year olds who IM you and expect to cyber with you just because you're online
closeminded people
Current Mood: tired
12:39am: My first post
I'm making a new journal to meet new people.
Who am I interested in meeting? 
Im pretty much open to meeting anyone, the only stipulations are as follows:

-you have to be at least 18 years of age
-have zero interest in cybering- I am beyond that stage and want nothing to do with it
-people that I meet are interested in being friends and thats it- my love life is way too complicated as it is!
-people that are open, honest, and fun to be around
-if you complain about how shitty your life is or how tough you have it all of the time, I'll ignore you. 
Current Mood: creative
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